100 year old man

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:
- Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?
- That depends," says the doctor. Do you smoke?
- No
- Do you drink?
- No
- Do you fool around with loose women?
- Of course not
- Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?

It's alright

Two friends talking:

- Sorry man, I slept with your wife

- It's ok, I sleep with her every ninght

We're all gonna die

- Doctor, I ate pizza with the expired date of consumption, what'll happen to me, am I gonna die?
- Well everyone is going to die some day, you know....
- Oh my God! What have I done? Now we're all gonna die!

Happy Marriage

- Honey, both that journalist and the engineer proposed to our daughter!
- So who's the lucky man?
- The engineer. Our daughter married the journalist

Pick up line

- Hey girl, did anyone tell you that you look like Marilyn Monroe?
- Noooooooo!!!!
- That's right! 'cause you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger

NATO in Libya

In order to protect civilians from airstrikes NATO air forces have to gun down themselves

At school

- Bobby, would you like to go to heaven?
- Yes Miss, but I really need to be going home after the classes

Bandaged blonde

A blonde with bandaged arm and foot meets her friend.
- What happened to you?
- I was using a vacuum cleaner and it hit me in the arm
- But why is your foot bandaged?
- I kicked it back!

Surfer

One shark to the other: Look at this surfer - he's being served just like in a restaurant on a food-tray and with a napkin

God doesn't exist

"God doesn't exist" - Karl Marx
"Karl Marx no longer exists" - God