One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"
Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"
Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."
Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."
Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Violent when drunk
A guy walked into a bar and said: "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didnt have the money, so the bartender beat him up.
The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldnt pay.
Then the next day, the guy said: "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replied "You're violent when you're drunk!"
The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldnt pay.
Then the next day, the guy said: "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!" The bartender said "Why?" The guy replied "You're violent when you're drunk!"
Blonde breaststroke swimming
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, I dont want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.
At the bank
"Im not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me."
Insomnia
A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor: "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.
A Christmas wish
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
Santa - "Send me your mother."
At school
Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine....
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress youre wearing looks fine....
Alcohol
Bill was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & died.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & died.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
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